Define Your Perception of “School”

I don’t think that there’s one real definition or perception of school. Just ask people who actually go there every day. I took this completely reliable, actually fielded survey of people to see how they define or perceive “school” in their own little reality. No, it’s not technically reliable or fielded. But you can trust it to be 100% true anyway. Be sure to comment your favorite, and add your own!

The High IQ: School is fun because you get to learn!

The Double Stomach: It’s alright, but we only get twenty minutes for lunch.

The Average Kid: I don’t know.

The Sans-Washing Machine: It’s hard because you can’t wear the same thing twice in a month.

The Loner: I don’t go to classes because I hide in bathrooms, so I wouldn’t know what school is really like.

The Labeler: My friends and I judge people all day, so school is like watching TV.

The Pet: All the teachers love me, so.

The Baller: I just try to get above a 2.0 so I don’t get kicked off the team.

The Stereotype: I live up to everyone’s expectations of who I should be, so I’m good.

The Yoda: Intellectual, I am.

The Texter: i NORM. txt n scool so idk.

The Homework: “What about the homework?”

The Shhh: “Shut up, I didn’t do the homework.”

The Note-Taker: I actually study for tests and get A’s on them.

The Phone Camera: I take photos of everyone’s completed homework.

The Liar: Whenever someone asks me if I did something wrong, I just say “no”.

The Darting Eye: I’m usually the first one to glance at the door when someone walks in. It’s a good distraction from doing real work.

The Pencil Sharpener: Whenever it’s too quiet, I just go sharpen my pencil.

The Girl Wearing a Tutu: I’m in Student Council.

The Matching Outfit-er: I’m in Dance.

The Pink Hair: The school needed some pizzazz. The pizzazz has been delivered.

The Hipster: I’m cool in school.

The Enthusiast: I love math, so I like going to school!

The After-Schooler: I hate school but staying after is chill.

The Vending Machine Guard: I come for the Rice Krispies.

The PE Slacker: I don’t want to sweat so I pretend to run. It’s kind of hard, but it gets easier to fake. Like coach says, “practice makes perfect”!

The Lost Freshman: I feel short when I go to school.

The Arrogant Senior: Freshman are stupid.

The Realist: This thing is gonna last like only four years, so no big deal.

The Maybe: I might do this homework, maybe not.

The Bus Boombox: Every day on the bus I try to yell louder than I did the day before.

The Earbud Kid: What did you say?

The Jogger: I prefer sprinting to class even when I’m not late.

The Selective Everything: I never really know what’s happening in school.

The Lunch Master: I spend more time packing lunch than doing homework.

The Copy Machine: Other people’s finished work is basically what my diploma looks like.

The Cheat Sheet: I hope the guy next to me knows what he’s doing.

The Money Tree: Yeah, my dad gave me fifty bucks for lunch today.

The Rich Free Luncher: I’m getting free lunch and a ten dollar pizza, can I buy anyone else something for eighty bucks? Oh, you like my sweater? I just bought it for two grand.

The Nerd: I don’t even wear glasses or have braces.

The Four Eyes: Just because I wear glasses doesn’t mean I’m going to do your homework for you.

The Magnet Bully: For some reason I’m a total jerk but everyone loves me.

The Unlikely A-Plus-er: I got an A and everyone turned to ask who I was.

The Slow Walker: I walk so slow it looks like everyone else is flying.

The Trampled 3’8: I spend more time on the floor with shoes in my face than I do walking in the hallway.

The Mission Impossible: I’ve tried eight times to leave campus for lunch over the past month. I got tackled every time.

The Five Foot Ditch: I ditch art because it’s too easy.

The Speedster: I don’t get why other kids take more than five minutes to complete a 100 word quiz. Geez.

The Missed-Shooter: I like throwing my trash away from across the room. I need to work on my half-courts.

The Surprised Failure: I didn’t really work at all this year, but can you believe I failed all my classes!

The Brag Queen: What did you get? I got a 110%. And a smiley face.

The Bus Chaser: I’m always exactly one minute late to the bus, so I gotta run it.

The Dress Coder: I know I’m not supposed to wear flip flops. I do anyway.

The Pencil-less: Can I borrow a pencil?

The Forgetful Pencil-less: I never give borrowed pencils back.

The Tape-User: I always use the last piece of someone elses’ tape roll.

The High Highlighter: I accidentally always highlight the whole page.

The Silent Read-Aloud-er: I whisper when the teacher says to read aloud.

The Wannabe: I think I’m good at everything, but I actually suck.

The Apparent-Non-Smoker: Anyone have any gum?

The Linebacker: I see people cut in line and yell at them to go back.

The Linechopper: I cut in line every time I see a line to cut.

The Double Teacher: I correct my teacher and she doesn’t mind because she has a PhD in science, not “shut up, kid”.

The Hand-Raiser: I think I have a disease in my arm now, ‘cos I’ve been waving it for like the past six hours.

The Wildly Uninformed: Wait, what, we have a test today? What? Why? What’s it on? Did you study? Can I have your notes? How many points is it? Can we re-take it? What?

The Cruiser: I actually do my work and have time to chill. Oh yeah.

The Controversy Kid: “Did you see Trump on Fox last night?”

The Seat Thief: I take about seventy chairs before any of my friends even arrive. We use like seven of them.

The Perpetually Absent: I miss every other day of school ‘cos I feel like it.

The Complainer: I somehow always have twice the workload as everyone else around me, so I can complain all the time in front of them.

The One-Kid: The teacher sees my opposition and changes the whole plan of not having homework.

The Class Backer: I like sitting in the back. I become somehow magically invisible to the teacher.

The Front Desker: My seat is always the center of the first row because I can.

The Volunteer: I never know the answer but I raise my hand anyway.

The Backpack Attacker: My backpack is so full and wide that when I turn, I knock down everyone in my path like a line-up of dominoes.

The Teachers: Why did I want this job?


New Book: Contractual

I’m pretty excited to start this new book that I’m calling “Contractual”. The genre is something of a cross between adventure and humor.

Basically, there’s this twenty-four year old named Ivy, and her life is the epitome of boring and average. She lives in an apartment with her childhood best friend, Harriet, who also happens to be the best at everything she does. Her only other friend is her cat, Calamity (Yes, a very ironic name for the subject matter of this novel).

The first chapter takes Ivy from her hum-drum lifestyle to her job where she works as “Coffee Girl” for David Coleman of Coleman Bank. Except, her day goes from lame to horrible in the span of a half an hour. Her boss has a bit of news that could change everything.

Okay, let’s actually get into what the book is about. The title “Contractual” kind of says it all. Ivy signs a contract that was drawn up by her freshly distraught and delusional boss. But she doesn’t read it before signing. This turns into a series of misadventures involving Ivy being forced to complete all sorts of crazy tasks- from giving away all her savings to cancer patients to legally changing her name to Teddy.

“Contractual” is a slightly hilarious story that follows Ivy on her mission to fulfill the fateful contract. And then, she dies. Why? Because it’s written in the contract.

Words Are My Future

When people ask me what I plan to study in college, I always say, “I want to get my PhD in art.” So then they ask me what kind of art; art history perhaps? I internally realize how boring “art” and “history” sound put into one title, and say, “No. Practical application.” And quite frankly, “practical application” is just a fancy way of saying, “I want to draw all day”.

The PhD part is mostly my over-ambitious personality talking.

Interestingly enough, if I’m really honest with myself, I can’t imagine doing anything at all with my life. I use the word ‘interesting’ because I’ve been pursuing and am still pursuing so many different interests as it is; between dance and sports, music and politics. To any other soul, it would look like I would have at least one thing picked out as my destiny.

If you asked me what I can see myself doing for the rest of my life? My answer would be writing.

But I’ve always been too realistic to consider writing as my answer for a career path. Lately, I’ve questioned if taking art as a major is even a good idea economically. I look at a massive list of majors- medical fields, science, math, business, finance, engineering, and health, and I read right over them. I stop to look at words like “design”, “creative”, and “philosophy”. Then I wonder if those words will be enough to buy a house, and raise a family.

Life is a series of moments that we will never know the end to, because the end will be the moment we’re living. As hard as it is to “plan” the future, I think there’s a certain level of adventure and risk in planning that makes the future so mysterious. Although I will never know the future until it’s upon me, I do know what I never want to give up entirely- dancing, sports, drawing, design, and most of all, writing.

I think I’ve changed my mind about my answer to the question: “What do you plan to study in college?” My answer is now, something that I’ll love to do with the rest of my life. I want to study because I want to enjoy life, and enjoying life means working hard to make dreams come true. Because you can’t have a best-seller if you haven’t gotten published, and you can’t get published if you haven’t written Chapter 1.

Words are my future, because as the great Samuel Beckett said- words are all we have.

The Freelancing Life

I’ve been doing freelance work as a writer, graphic designer, and artist for quite a while now. Ever since I was six and sold handmade, paper “books” to my little brother for a dime each, I’ve considered myself an avid entrepreneur. There hasn’t been a year of my life since the moment I was able to form semi-pragmatic thoughts that I haven’t made more than a few dollars on the beautiful world of the internet- doing the things that I love.

And I think that’s really the best part about freelancing: it’s essentially making money doing the stuff that you’re passionate about. I offer my services, and then people pay me money to draw, write, or create (which I would probably do anyway for myself). Freelancing is amazing.

Now, on to the part of this post that you actually want to read- the part where I tell you how to not only get started as a freelancer, but to be successful at it, too! (Remember guys, this is coming from my own perspective, so if you know other, better ways, either share them nicely or nod at my post like you totally found my advice useful)

Step 1: Sign up for

Fiverr is the coolest thing ever. It’s a super credible website (yeah, don’t accidently sign up for FiverrBucks or some rip-off site), and it’s really fun to use! The set-up is easy, and then you can get on with the stuff you actually went to the website to do; make money.

Step 2: Start Your First Gig

Gigs are neat little shop type things where customers can go to request your services. The gig set-up includes coming up with an eye-catching title, a high-quality feature photo, a well-written description, and tags. Once you reach Level 1, you can add “gig extras”, which enables you to charge people a ton more money to do more work!

Step 3: Wait…

While you’re in the depressing, discouraging, awful stage of waiting, you can spend your time improving your gig or portfolio. Videos are said to increase sales by a million percent (highly doubtful, but hey, it could be true). But don’t crawl into that doghouse too soon, ‘cos nearly every seller gets their first sale within the first or second month!


Now that someone’s shown an interest in your awesome skill, it’s time to get started on your journey of dealing with the world of rude, nice, chill, frantic, helpful, impossible, ridiculous, and downright stressful clients and business transactions. The fun part about freelancing on Fiverr is that you get to control a lot of that possible stress by setting your own guidelines and offers. But it can still get insane when a customer just keeps replying with: “I hate it.” The positive reviews and satisfied buyers make it all worth it, though!

Step 5: Keep it Goin’

Never stop providing the best quality service. As long as your gigs are active, stay consistent in your business professional attitude. Once you get just one bad review, your freelancing career begins to slip down the tubes- so don’t let that happen!

I hope some of that was helpful. I know it’s lame to write about some random (though very awesome) website, but I spend a lot of time working on there, and I thought it would be cool to give my opinion on it. After all, this is an opinion blog…

5 Different Abortion Debates that End in “Mass of Tissue”

While mulling over some mental playbacks of abortion debates that I’ve participated in, I recognized a tragic fact: most of the time we’re debating about nothing for longer than we’re debating about what abortion really is. And when we finally get to what someone actually believes a person is, it’s too late to assume they still have the ability to hear you refute that the “mass of tissue” has a heart and a brain. The following are some prime examples of off-the-rocker arguments.

1. The Woman’s Choice

Me: “Why are you pro-choice?”

Them: “I believe that it’s a woman’s right to choose.”

Me: “Choose what?”

Them: “To have an abortion.”

Me: “What’s abortion?”

Them: “The removal of a fetus from a woman.”

Me: “So there’s two individuals involved- a fetus and a woman?”

Them: “Yeah, I guess.”

Me: “What’s a fetus?”

Them: “A mass of tissue.”

2. The Woman’s Body

Me: “Why are you pro-choice?”

Them: “Because I think women should be able to control their own bodies, not the government.”

Me: “But the government also makes people stop at red lights.”

Them: “So?”

Me: “So why should I have to stop at red lights? I should be able to control my own vehicle.”

Them: “But the vehicle isn’t apart of you, so it’s not like the government is trying to control you as a person.”

Me: “Since preborn humans are separate beings from their mothers, ending abortion wouldn’t control the women, it would save the lives inside the women.”

Them: “But it’s their right to do what they want.”

Me: “The preborn babies after they’re born and get presented a future? Yes, I totally agree with you.”

Them: “No, the women should get to do what they want.”

Me: “Like buy a Coke and drive a car? I completely agree.”

Them: “You’re missing the point.”

Me: “Well, what’s the point?”

Them: “The thing inside the mother is just a mass of tissue.”

3. The Blatantly Uninformed

Me: “Why are you pro-choice?”

Them: “I just don’t see anything wrong with abortion.”

Me: “Based on…?”

Them: “What do you mean?”

Me: “What did you see, read, or learn that made you say to yourself, ‘abortion isn’t wrong’?”

Them: “Oh- I just was talking to some friends and stuff.”

Me: “So you’ve never actually seen a tiny, preborn aborted person with it’s limbs floating around in a blood-filled metal tray?”

Them: “Ew, what are you talking about?”

Me: “You’ve never read medical texts describing the vacuum style suctioning of a fetus’ skull being smashed to make it fit out of the mother?”

Them: “Will you stop? You’re crazy.”

Me: “Why am I crazy?”

Them: “You make abortion sound like murder.”

Me: “Isn’t it?”

Them: “No, there wouldn’t be any limbs floating around because a fetus is just a mass of tissue.”

4. The Attached 2%

Me: “Why are you pro-choice?”

Them: “Victims of an assault shouldn’t have to carry around a reminder of the violent crime for the rest of their lives.”

Me: “Okay, so we’re focusing on the two percent.”

Them: “What?”

Me: “Two percent of all abortions are reported as due to sexual assault or incest.”

Them: “So you don’t care about two percent just because it’s a low number?”

Me: “I never said anything about not caring about human beings, especially those women who face such tremendous amounts of pain, anguish, and difficulty.”

Them: “But you said you’re against abortion.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m against killing. But I’m also for a lot of things- like helping women in need, helping newborns, children, new fathers, and everyone in between.”

Them: “You don’t care about women enough to let them choose abortion.”

Me: “I wouldn’t ‘let’ a twenty-year-old man stab a toddler to death either. Do I still sound like a lunatic for not liking murder?”

Them: “That’s not even the same thing.”

Me: “How come?”

Them: “A fetus isn’t a toddler, it’s a mass of tissue.”

5. The Over Crowded

Me: “Why are you pro-choice?”

Them: “The world would be overpopulated without abortion.”

Me: “Have you ever been to Nevada?”

Them: “Um, no?”

Me: “It’s pretty boring here unless you live in Vegas or Reno or something.”

Them: “Why?”

Me: “‘Cos you can drive for hours and never hit so much as a rest stop. The place is basically a stretch of lonely land.”

Them: “What does that have to do with abortion?”

Me: “Nothing, just like your claim that abortion is necessary to control the population has nothing to do with what abortion actually is.”

Them: “And what it is?”

Me: “The dismembering of human being.”

Them: “But it’s not a human being- it’s a mass of tissue.”